Parenting Approaches Explained: From Authoritarian to Nonhierarchical and Everything In Between

If you’ve ever Googled “best parenting style,” you’ve probably discovered there isn’t one clear answer. Instead, there’s a whole menu of parenting approaches — from gentle parenting to nonhierarchical parenting, and more traditional methods in between. Each style has its own philosophy, strengths, and challenges. And because every child (and parent) is different, most families end up borrowing a little from each approach.

This guide will walk you through some of the most talked-about parenting styles, explain how they apply across different ages, and give you practical tips to find the balance that works best for your family.

Why Parenting Styles Matter

Parenting approaches aren’t about labels; they’re about strategies. The way we guide, discipline, and support our children shapes not only their behavior but also their long-term emotional well-being and who they become as adults.

Benefits of understanding different approaches include:

Improved family communication strategies. Knowing your style helps you set consistent expectations. There is nothing worse than being a kid with an unpredictable parent who won’t communicate.
Less stress for parents. When you find an approach that feels natural, parenting feels more sustainable and in concert with who you are and your values.
Better emotional outcomes for kids. Children thrive when discipline is consistent and nurturing. This means being more well-adjusted in later life and not wondering where an excess of maladaptive behaviors is coming from.

Gentle Parenting: Connection Over Correction

Gentle parenting is based on empathy, respect, and clear boundaries. Instead of using punishment or rewards, parents focus on guiding behavior through connection.

Core principles: Listening to feelings, validating emotions, modeling calm responses.
For younger kids: Instead of saying, “Stop crying,” or the old staple, “I’ll give you something to cry about” (yikes!), you might respond, “I see you’re upset that playtime ended. It’s hard when fun things stop.”
For older kids: Instead of grounding a teen for breaking curfew, you might say, “Let’s talk about what happened last night and figure out how to rebuild trust.”

Pros: Builds strong emotional intelligence, fosters trust.
Cons: Requires patience and consistency (and lots of deep breathing).

Check out our article on utilizing gentle parenting tactics on pets, too!

Authoritative Parenting: The Balanced Approach

Often called the “gold standard” by child psychologists, authoritative parenting balances warmth with structure.

Core principles: High expectations + high support.
For younger kids: Clear rules about bedtime, but with flexibility for special nights. Something like, “Normally bedtime is 7:00, but it’s not a school night and your grandparents are visiting, so it’s alright this time while we enjoy their company.”
For older kids: Firm academic expectations, paired with encouragement and open communication. “I see you struggled more than normal on this last math exam. What tools can we set you up with so that you can improve next time?”

Pros: Research consistently shows this style produces the most well-rounded kids.
Cons: It’s hard work to stay firm but also empathetic all the time.

Nonhierarchical Parenting: Everyone Has a Voice

A newer trend in family life, nonhierarchical parenting emphasizes equality. Parents are still leaders, but children’s voices are valued in decision-making.

Core principles: Shared decision-making, collaborative problem-solving, respect across all ages.
For younger kids: Let them help make small choices (snack options, what toy to bring on errands). As they get a bit older, involve them in making family rules or schedules.
For older kids: Give them significant input on curfews, chores, and family priorities. Not falling back on “Because I’m in charge” as an answer for hard questions.

Pros: Builds independence, responsibility, and mutual respect.
Cons: Can feel chaotic if boundaries aren’t clear — parents still need to be the guide rails without running roughshod.

Permissive Parenting: Lots of Warmth, Few Rules

Permissive parents tend to be highly nurturing but light on rules.

Core principles: Freedom, minimal structure, prioritizing happiness.
For younger kids: Extra screen time without limits, bedtime whenever kids feel tired, meals high in taste but not necessarily dietary balance.
For older kids: Sharing on almost all topics, lack of curfew or curfew enforcement.

Pros: Kids often feel loved and understood.
Cons: Without clear boundaries, children may struggle with self-discipline later.

*This approach isn’t something we necessarily recommend, but we are including it for a fuller understanding of different techniques.

Authoritarian Parenting: Rules Rule

The opposite of permissive parenting, authoritarian parenting prioritizes obedience and discipline.

Core principles: High expectations, strict rules, little negotiation or communication.
For younger kids: Spanking, imposing activities without input, strict bedtime or other routines.
For older kids: Rejecting input, lack of explanation, the classic “Because I said so.”

Pros: Provides clarity and structure.
Cons: Can stifle emotional expression and create fear-based compliance.

*Like permissive parenting, this approach isn’t something we recommend, but we are including it for a fuller understanding of different techniques.

We also left off Uninvolved Parenting, since you’re here and most definitely involved! 😉

Blended and Adaptive Approaches

Most parents don’t fit neatly into one category. You might use gentle parenting when dealing with meltdowns, but lean authoritative when setting school-night routines.

Tip: Think of parenting approaches as tools in your toolbox. Some situations call for structure, others for flexibility.

How to Find the Approach That Works for You

Know your child’s temperament. A spirited toddler might need firmer boundaries, while a sensitive kid might need extra empathy.
Check your own values. Ask: What do I want my kids to learn about responsibility, respect, and love?
Stay flexible. Parenting styles aren’t set in stone. Adjust as your kids grow and as family life evolves.

Making Parenting Approaches Work Across Ages

Toddlers: Gentle redirection, clear routines, lots of patience.
Elementary Kids: Involve them in problem-solving, balance rules with freedom.
Tweens & Teens: Prioritize communication, share decision-making, set healthy boundaries.

Final Thoughts

There’s no “one right” way to parent. Whether you’re drawn naturally to a style, intrigued by another, or comfortable with a more familiar style from your own upbringing, the key is consistency, empathy, and respect.

At the end of the day, parenting is less about fitting into a label and more about finding what helps your unique child feel secure, supported, and loved!